7 posts tagged “humor”
So, I went to the optician for my latest eye test. On completion, I was asked to hang around in the waiting room so that my results could be discussed.
Well, after about five minutes, the optician called me in and said, "You know, you really will have to stop masturbating." 0.0
"Oh wow," I said. "I thought all that about it affecting your eyesight was a myth." "Your eyes are fine, sir," she replied, "but you are upsetting the other people in the waiting room."
The other week I heard a song where someone descirbed how they were their own grandfather. I was amused by the song, but decided that I had to do a genealogical tree to see if it was indeed possible -- because it certainly didn't seem possible. But...I am here to tell you that, as discussed in the song, it is possible to be your own grandfather.
First, listen to the song. (The lyrics are further below.)
Below is the family-tree I did to verify that this is possible. Since the song explains the relations, I won't go into detail. You can listen to the song and visually follow along in my diagram. To help you get started, the singer is the red male (square) (which would make the blue circle the widow...you should be able to figure-out the rest).
That is one screwy family-tree!! And if you think I'm weird for plotting this out, think about the person who figured this out (please, I hope, this is not based on a real family).
I'm My Own Grandpa(Ray Stevens)Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three,I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her and soon they, too, were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life
Now my daughter was my mother, 'cause she was my father's wife.
And to complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing-baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad
For if he were my uncle, then that also made him brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter, who, of course, was my step-mother.
My father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run
And he became my grand-child, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue
Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too.
Now, if my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild
'Cause now I have become the strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa.
The latest poll asked California residents if they thought illegal immigration was a serious problem.
41% answered, "Yes, it is a serious problem."
59% answered, "¡No es un problema serio!"
What happens when you walk around dressed as a bank robber?
Video courtesy an e-mail forward from a co-worker.
